People Are Worth More Than Things: Five Renewed Beliefs

When our beliefs about people are wrong, our emotional memories keep getting hurt. There are five good beliefs that can help free us from hurt.

1. People are whole persons

Body, soul and spirit and our close relationships are all one. When a person's body isn't healthy, their heart grows weak too. For so many years my husband's health was poor, and so psychologically he'd be weak and insecure too, and there'd be negative things in the relationship. Once I understood this, I knew I had to understand him, accept him unconditionally and bear with him. It's the same with elderly, frail parents: we can't make demands of them anymore; we can only bear with them completely.

2. People are priceless treasures

Life is more than food, the body is more than clothing, people are worth more than things. When a child accidentally breaks a valuable vase, do the parents give the child a good scolding, or comfort him first? That shows whether we think people matter more or things matter more. There's a deep-rooted false value in our culture: if you have money, a big house and good looks, you have worth; once you're old and useless, you have no worth.

Only two months after my husband died, I brought my sickly mother and my stepfather home to live with me. My father said to me, "We're so sorry. We have nothing, and living in your home, we're giving you so much trouble." I told him, "It's not like that, Dad. You're my parents. You're priceless treasures. That you let me care for you in your old age is my greatest blessing!"

Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

Ephesians 6:2–3

3. People are imperfect

Dr. 黄维仁 says you can turn a person into an angel with praise, thanks and affirmation, or turn him into a devil by finding fault every day. Perfectionism does particular damage to close relationships: the moment we see one mistake in the other person, we write them off entirely and give them no time or room to change; and when we ourselves do something wrong and admit it, we still feel guilty over and over for days.

No one is perfect, and in close relationships mistakes are bound to happen. We need to humble ourselves and have the courage to admit we're wrong for the sake of the relationship. For many years, whenever there's been conflict in a relationship, I've been the first to go and repair it. The wrong I admit most often is: "I haven't loved you enough. Please forgive me."

4. People can change

My stepfather changed at eighty. He said to me, "In this life I've seen through it all; between people it's nothing but cheating and scheming. But in you I've seen hope and real love. You, a girl, could care for your husband all those years without complaint or regret; I'm a man, so I can surely take care of my wife." From then on, almost every night he got up in the middle of the night to tuck Mom in and pour her water, and after getting up he couldn't sleep for two hours, but he did it gladly. He used to find Mom so annoying; now he could look after her with care. I really saw that love is the shortest road.

5. People are unique

I love the Disney film Dumbo: the little elephant with big ears is laughed at by everyone, but later finds out those ears can fly, and rescues many friends from a fire. I often feel I'm that little flying elephant. Don't take other people's dreams as your own dreams. Don't compare yourself or your children with others. Discover your own gifts, and live out the best, unique you.

Only when we accept our own imperfection can we love others more.