Change the Belief, Change the Ending

It isn't what happens that affects us. It's how we see what happens.

The American psychologist Albert Ellis came up with an "ABC theory": A is the event that happens; B is our belief, view and interpretation of that event; C is the emotions and behaviour that come out of it. We think A causes C, but what really decides C is the B in the middle. There are lots of events we can't change, but we can change our beliefs. Change the belief, and the result changes.

What I used to believe

I suffered a lot in the family I grew up in. I never once felt loved. I was a child broken to the core. Back then my belief was: look out for yourself, or heaven will strike you down. After I got married, I got hooked on gambling. I took whatever I wanted from my husband and showed him no respect. In 1997, all that worry made him sick: he got stomach cancer, and three quarters of his stomach was removed. In 2000 the cancer came back, and the doctor said it was terminal. He had only two months to live.

In that terrible pain, my conscience suddenly woke up: he had always been so good to me, I couldn't let him die with nothing to remember but me hurting him! I made up my mind to really learn love and wisdom. Like the prodigal son coming home, I couldn't rewrite the life behind me, but I did rewrite the life ahead of me.

A, B, C in my home

I used to think the point of living was to have fun while you can and make big money. In 2000, I rewrote the deepest belief of my life: I believe love is the shortest road, and at all times I'll face every situation in life with love.

Through his long years of illness, my husband was in the hospital several times almost every year. Many people thought, poor her, how has she gotten through all these years? But for me: A was him going in and out of the hospital; B was my belief, that I would love him all the way to the end; C was learning wisdom to help him stay alive. I read over a thousand books and cooked him six or seven meals a day, and my heart was full of joy.

He also came to a firm belief: "I'm going to live for love, I will never give up! My wife loves me so much, I'm going to live a long, long life." We held hands, encouraged each other, and sang together. Our story has helped the marriages of friends and family too.

I hold one more belief in my heart: I am an eagle. When the storm comes, I ride the wind and keep flying higher. So every time hard times come, I tell myself: great, now I get to fly even higher.

Rewrite your belief

We women often want to change our husbands and kids, thinking we can only be happy once our circumstances change. If today we rewrite our belief: I can live out love in any circumstance, I choose to change myself instead of changing others, and I'll give thanks for hard circumstances, then a strong power will rise up inside us.

Choose healthy, loving people as friends, and learn from the wise. Stop thinking every day: I'll be happy the day they change, I'll be happy the day I make big money. That's how we can enjoy real happiness and contentment. Even if the event hasn't changed, as long as the belief changes, the result can change.

Life's suffering can become a blessing, and a crisis can become a turning point. The key is how you see it.