Reconciling with Responsibility: Letting Go

Reconciling with responsibility means sorting out clearly: what I can change and am responsible for, and what I can't change and need to hand over to God.

I'm a highly sensitive person. I have a lot of compassion for people, but my boundaries are thin. I'm afraid to say "no" in case I hurt someone. A lot of the time what hurts me isn't what's happening outside but the conflict inside my own heart: the other person may not have meant anything by it, but I've already started blaming myself, and the headaches, the feeling unwell, all of it comes.

My Emotions Are My Responsibility

I used to make my husband "foot the bill" for my emotions. I wanted him to comfort me and understand me. But he's a very rational person. He was already doing his best, and I'd only get angrier, until in the end he just kept well out of my way. Later I realized: my emotions, my feelings, my own spiritual life are my responsibility. They shouldn't be put on my spouse.

My Child's Business Is My Child's Responsibility

When my oldest son was looking for an internship, he went to one interview after another with no success. I got more and more anxious, and anxiety turned into wanting to control: "Have you sent out more résumés? Why don't you go and call them?" When I saw him wanting to take a break, I couldn't stop nagging him. Once we clashed, and he said, "Mom, take care of yourself. I've got this."

At the time I felt really offended. But after I talked it over with my older sister, I suddenly saw it: I hadn't reconciled with responsibility. I'd taken a burden on my back that wasn't mine. Because I felt insecure and was afraid he'd take a wrong turn, I couldn't let go.

I said to God, "Whether he finds this job or not is your business. I'm letting go completely. My child is in your hands, and he's learned to rely on you too." From then on I stopped praying about the job itself and only asked God to help me set my boundaries well.

Amazingly, not long after, he found work, and more than one job. Under his name on social media, he put this verse:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

I asked him why, and he said, "Mom, through all this I really saw God make all things work together." It turned out the one who needed to learn the lesson was me. Now I put more weight on my relationship with my son than on making him do things my way.