Wounded Children Can Become Mothers Too
· 2 min
- 01Acknowledge, without blame
- 02Receive in God's family
- 03Grieve, then forgive
- 04Pass the comfort on
A lot of people think: I was never really loved well by my own parents, and I've never had a spiritual mother either. How am I supposed to be someone else's spiritual mother?
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.
Psalm 27:10
This doesn't necessarily mean David's parents actually abandoned him. It means that even if the most dependable human relationships are lost, God still receives me. For anyone whose mother was absent, cold, or hurt them, this is God's own promise: you have a place in God's family.
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;
Isaiah 49:15–16
God doesn't deny that mothers can fail. Your pain is real. But God himself has a mother's love, and the love a spiritual mother gives flows from God too. You don't have to become a perfect person before you can love others. You can let God's love catch you first. That's my own story: I lost my father at thirteen, my mother fell into depression, and I'm someone who's been wounded. I'm not perfect today, but I can love people, because God's love caught me. You can too.
Four Steps to Restoration
Acknowledge. Be honest about the needs that weren't met, without denying them and without blaming. I admit that as a child my emotional needs weren't met. And I don't blame my mom. When my father died, she didn't even have the strength to take care of herself.
Receive. Among safe brothers and sisters in Christ, let God make up the love you lacked back then. That's what it means for the church to be God's family: what you didn't get in your own family, you can get in God's family.
Grieve and forgive. Weep over what was lost, and then forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt never happened. It means you no longer let it control you.
Pass it on. Take the comfort that comes from God and use it to comfort others.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2 Corinthians 1:3–4
I went through a lot of suffering as a child, and later I went and studied counseling, learning to help people with depression like my mom. I went through a lot of hard things in my marriage, and later I became a marriage counselor. The people who know best how to care for others are often the ones who once lacked love the most. My two younger sisters and I are all "wounded healers": once God heals a wound, it becomes a way out for someone else.
This Week, Start with One Person
A spiritual mother doesn't need a big plan. She only needs to start with one person. Please choose one thing to do:- Think of someone who needs someone to walk alongside them, and reach out with a phone call or a message. A few days ago, a sister I hadn't been in touch with for twenty years suddenly contacted me. She said her depression had come back, very severe, she had no one to talk to, and she suddenly thought of me. One phone call can help someone.
- Every day, pray for one person by name, and let them know you're praying for them.
- Share your story, including how God helped you in your weakness.
- Go and thank a spiritual mother who walked with you through your weakest time.
What the church needs isn't perfect people. It needs people willing to stay and walk alongside others. If you're older, don't say, "I'm old, I'm no use anymore." Your experience, your tears and your prayers are the church's treasure. If you're younger, don't wait until you're perfect to start. You can humbly go and find a spiritual father or mother right now. From Paul to Timothy, from Naomi to Ruth, God has always used ordinary people to carry out an extraordinary legacy. Today God is saying to you too: arise as a mother.